


For Reasons Wretched and Divine

by panicmoonwalk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Christmas, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Hufflepuff Harry, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, OT5 Friendship, Slytherin Louis, Tropical Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2764619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicmoonwalk/pseuds/panicmoonwalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall’s head was sitting in the fireplace, wide grin lighting up his features as flames licked the bright tips of his hair. Louis promptly dropped his tray at the sight.</p>
<p>“Bloody hell!” He yelled, half at the sudden appearance of Niall in the fire and half at the scalding cocoa he’d just dropped on his bare foot. “What are you doing?!”</p>
<p>Niall just continued to grin, clearly highly amused by Louis hopping on one foot and desperately trying to search for a weapon he could use to beat his friend’s head out of the fireplace.</p>
<p>“Well,” Niall began. “We’re going on an adventure!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or, the one where Louis and Harry’s Christmas holiday at Hogwarts is rudely interrupted when they’re dragged off on a tropical wizard’s vacation, featuring some angry centaurs, a spell gone wrong, and the ‘weirdest birthday anyone’s ever had. Ever’.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Reasons Wretched and Divine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bugspokemon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugspokemon/gifts).



> I really hope you enjoy this, I had a lot of fun writing it, any excuse to delve back into the magical world of Harry Potter! I combined a couple of prompts, and took some liberties, so I hope that's okay.
> 
> Title from Hozier's 'Jackie and Wilson'.
> 
> Happy reading!

“Shit,” Louis muttered to himself as he groped blindly in the dark, closely missing strangling himself with the drapes of his four poster as he reluctantly climbed out of the warm sanctuary that is his bed and stumbles into the wall of freezing, frost bite inducing cold that can only be found in the bottom of a dungeon.

He winces when his bare feet touch the cold stone, hand still fumbling about on his side table.

“What’re you doing, Lou?” A gravelly voice sounded from his left, and oops, Louis was probably making far too much noise, but quite frankly if he was having to leave the toasty haven that was Harry’s arms, then it was only fair the owner of said arms woke up too, really.

“Looking for my-,” He cut off as his fingers finally found the cool wood and he quickly gripped his prize in his hand with a satisfied squeak. “Ah, finally, _Lumos_.”

Bright light filled the room, causing a groaning noise akin to that of a grumpy Hippogriff, muffled slightly as it appeared Harry was actually trying to force his face _through_ his pillow.

“Whyyyyy,” Harry moaned, raising his head and groggily groping around for the source of the offending light. “ _Nox, nox_ ,” He tried unsuccessfully, because apparently high levels of sleepiness caused stupidity so severe that Harry truly believed he could get rid the light when it was _Louis_ who cast the spell and it was the end of _Louis’_ wand that was the source of the punishable by death offence. Plus Harry was right shit at wandless magic, he was obviously just in need of a long wooden rod to hold at all times. Heh.

Louis rolled his eyes but let it slip, sleepy Harry was really far too cute. “I’m going for a piss, Haz, you know, the biological act one must cater to several times a day in order to resume with satisfactory bodily functioning?”

Yawning widely, Harry turned his body towards Louis, who for some reason, was still standing in his pants in what was quite possible the deepest depths of the artic and was trying not to stare too fondly at the way Harry’s messy bun was unravelling, random chocolate curls corkscrewing round his face.

“Lou… we’re wizards, surely there’s a spell for like, vanishing all of the urine out of your bladder?”

“Well if you’re willing to try a spell like that on yourself be my guest Harold, I for one, am not doing anything that may pose a threat to my nether region.” Louis replied with a snort, bending down to look for his slippers. He’d definitely kicked them off _somewhere_ near here, over there…maybe?

“Nether region?!” Harry snorted, clearly completely over the rude awakening and ready to lap up Louis’ increasing hilarity (of course). “Well I have to admit I do have a certain fondness myself for your ‘nether region,’ guess I’d probably prefer if you didn’t transfigure it into a pumpkin pasty or summat’.” He grinned dopily at Louis, probably bowled over by how amused he was by himself, idiot.

Louis just stuck his tongue out childishly, before failing to suppress a laugh that was far too giggly and fond for his liking when Harry replied with a wink.

“Moron,” he muttered, turning to amble towards where he assumed the door was, unless it had moved in the night, which when you’re a student at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, is far more likely than one might think. He stretched his wand out in front of him to illuminate the way. It was about the right time for the house elves to be scuttling about vanishing whatever messes the first years had managed to concoct, and Louis doubted any of them would be too thrilled with the image of him in his two years too tight boxer briefs ingrained in their mind forever.

He quickly shuffled towards the bathroom, teeth chattering slightly, silently cursing the sorting hat for deciding to house him in Slytherin where the bloody common room was practically under the lake, oh the inhumanity! Plus Louis was an idiot with a memory like a sieve and he couldn’t for the life of him remember the spell that blasted hot air on its caster, despite Zayn telling him about twenty times. (Look, he was far more interested in learning how to hex Liam, no one can really blame him, and Liam’s hilarious when he’s yelling at Louis while his legs are performing a river dance that would rival Flatley’s).

Louis relieved himself as quickly as possible without causing any unnecessary messes (yes, he’d also forgotten the spell to clean up liquids, honestly, he’s surprised he even made it to NEWT level), before scuttling back to his dormitory, the common room far too eerily quiet for his liking. He’d once bumped into The Bloody Baron on one of his nightly pee rituals and that was not something he’d like to experience again, thanks, surprisingly it takes quite a long time for the chill to leave you when a ghost passes directly through your body. Shocking, that.

Harry was still awake when Louis slipped through the open door, smiling when he met Harry’s sleepy, soft eyes.

Harry opened the covers, shivering with a slight ‘ooft’ when the cold invaded the bed. “Quick, quick, Merlin, it’s cold!”

With a whispered ‘ _nox’_ Louis chucked his wand back where he could enjoy not finding it again in the morning, before hopping quickly back into bed, groaning with the warmth, especially when Harry scooped him up in his strong arms.

“Lou you’re bloody freezing,” Harry muttered, tightening his arms around Louis’ shivering form. “Your hands are like ice, here, put them between my legs.”

“Careful Styles,” Louis grinned, before wincing when Harry pressed Louis’ icy fingers between his thighs, “Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Too little, too late,” Harry replied, burying his nose in Louis’ feathery hair, breathing in deeply, which would probably be creepy in any other universe but, Louis wouldn’t have it any other way.

They cuddled in silence for a while, Louis’ hands between Harry’s thighs, his head resting on Harry’s chest, content huddled up in his arms.

“This is a bizarre cuddling position.” Louis commented.

“Well, you can always take your hands out from between my legs and arrange yourself in a position of your choice you know, that’s definitely an option.” Harry retorted, sarcastically.

“Hmm,” Louis said, pretending to consider it. “Nah, I’m good here thanks.” He was perfectly happy with his hands clasped between Harry’s strong thighs, heck, he’d happily make a home down there, nestled between Harry’s leg hairs. Wait, was that weird? Probably, yeah. He made a mental note to torment the boys with vivid details about his new choice of accommodation at the nearest opportunity.

Instead of a reply, Harry dropped a kiss to the top of Louis’ head, rubbing his thumb over Louis’ hip bone with a yawn.

“Night Haz,” Louis said, resisting the urge to sneak his hands higher and make it much more of a ‘good morning’ because he was right tired. Besides, they had the actual morning for those kinds of antics. “Love you, and all that shit.”

Harry’s chest rumbled as he huffed a laugh, the overused phrase never failing to tickle him, and fill him with goo, and rainbows and glitter too, probably.

“Love you too, Lou. And all that shit.”

*

Louis woke the next morning with his face pressed into Harry’s armpit. Honestly, who says romance is dead? He pulled his head away with a rather disgusted face, although let’s be real, there are far worse places in the world to wake up. Plus Harry smells rather divine.

Stifling a yawn, Louis shifted into sitting position, rubbing his eyes before glancing back at Harry’s sleeping form, a slight smile still on his peaceful face. Louis raised an eyebrow in quiet contemplation. Here he was, awake, and there Harry was, fast asleep. He couldn’t be having that, really, some might consider it a crime to not wake him up in the nicest way possible. Probably.

He started gently, pressing soft kisses onto Harry’s broad shoulder, snaking his hand across Harry’s torso to trail a finger across his hip bone.

He felt Harry stir slightly and he paused, watching Harry’s eyebrows twitch before the younger boy let out a loud snore. Honestly, it was like sleep Harry was _trying_ to kill Louis’ buzz.

Louis chuckled to himself slightly, always endeared by anything Harry did practically ever, and if that hadn’t changed in the 3 years they’d been together then, well, it probably never would. Louis had felt something rather peculiar swoop through his body when he’d first seen little 11 year old Harry with his wide green eyes and fluffy mess of curls totter up to the stool at the sorting ceremony, fumbling with and nearly dropping the sorting hat several times before jamming it on his head.

It may have taken them until fourth year to stop being idiots and finally get over themselves, much to Liam, Zayn and Niall’s relief, but the last 3 years had been the best of Louis’ life, constant detention and OWL stress aside, and most of it had to do with the beautiful boy sleeping soundly next to him. Who wasn’t he going to wreck? Oh, yeah.

Louis trailed gentle kisses down Harry’s collar bone, dipping his head to brush his lips against his chest, purposefully catching his teeth on Harry’s left nipple whilst grazing his hand across Harry’s torso, dipping his fingers lower to tease down the band of his pants.

Harry groaned slightly but remained asleep, the stirring in Louis’ own pants clearly being echoed in Harry’s, although that was pretty much the norm with Harry in the morning, convenient for Louis although not so much when they wake up 10 minutes late for transfiguration and poor Sandy in the opposite bed gets an eyeful.

Louis lowered his hand to softly palm Harry’s crotch, smirking in satisfaction when Harry subconsciously bucked his hips up, the muscles on his face twitching which Louis knew to be a sign that he was waking up. Good, about time he joined the party.

“Mmphh,” Harry mumbled, “Keep, keep doing that, please.”

Louis obliged happily, taking Harry’s nipple into his mouth as he gripped Harry’s hardening cock tighter through his boxers, feeling blood rush to his own crotch when Harry let out a deep groan, his voice always so much rougher in the morning.

Harry bucked his hips up again, harder this time, his breathing becoming more erratic.

“Lou, Lou, I need-“ Harry didn’t even finish his sentence before he was pulling Louis up towards him, grabbing Louis’ face and crashing their lips together in a desperate kiss, tongues slotting seamlessly. The movement had Louis half laying on top of Harry, and with a quick shift of his hips their clothed cocks brushed together, both achingly hard by now, causing them to gasp simultaneously into each other’s mouths.

Louis’ hips quickly found a rhythm, Harry’s jerky movements complimenting his own, perfected after years of stolen moments in empty classrooms, quietly under the cover’s at night when everyone was sleeping, and once behind the Barnabas the Barmy tapestry on the seventh floor.

Louis wasn’t aware of much else except the feel of Harry’s lips on his, the warmth spreading through his body as all he could compute was ‘Harry, Harry, Harry’ and just how fucking good it felt.

“Close,” Louis gasped, gripping Harry’s bicep tightly as his toes curled with pleasure, the familiar pool of warmth forming in his gut as heat sparked through his veins.

Harry responded by grabbing Louis’ arse to haul him closer, not that it was even possible, squeezing hard as Louis brushed their cocks together once, twice, three times before he came with a loud groan, Harry following shortly after with a whimper and a breathy ‘Fuck, Louis,’ trembles wracking through both their bodies as they rode out their orgasms.

Louis felt the waves of pleasure fizzle as his pants filled with stickiness, collapsing over Harry’s chest and feeling far too sated to care about the mess. Harry’s arms immediately tightened around him, releasing a hand to haul up the blankets so they were covered up to their necks, cocooned contentedly in their post sex haze.

“Morning,” Harry murmured after both their breathing calmed down, gently stroking a hand down Louis’ back, trailing a finger across the dimples at the bottom of his spine.

Louis raised his head and settled it on Harry’s chest so he could peer up at the younger boy’s face, smiling softly at Harry’s blissed out expression.

“Morning yourself,” he replied, “Don’t think I’d have noticed if Voldemort himself had been standing in the room saying ‘please stop the coitus’ during that, to be honest.”

Harry snorted a laugh but Louis didn’t miss the slight shiver that always came from those with a greater knowledge than himself of the dark times Voldemort had been in power. It had been eleven years since his demise but the wizarding world still bore the scars, the added ghosts that drifted in and out of the great hall from the Battle of Hogwarts being one of them. Being a half- blood, Harry was far more aware of the traumatic part of history than muggle born Louis was, there was only so much people were willing to tell you and what he could pick up when he wasn’t asleep during History of Magic lessons. Folk seemed to shut down slightly if you brought it up, preferring to not dwell in the past, although that didn’t stop them practically bellowing old Harry Potter’s praises. Louis was pretty sure there was a tapestry dedicated to the bloke on the third floor, although he wasn’t sure, probably because he and Harry hadn’t had sex behind it. Yet.

Louis didn’t think his mum was over the shock of Louis getting his letter. Louis had always had a bit of a feeling that he didn’t quite fit in with his peers, so getting the letter just made sense to his eleven year old brain that perhaps he was destined for other things. Didn’t mean he didn’t like occasionally kicking a football around though, although constantly having to explain to Niall that ‘no, none of the balls fly’ could get a little tiresome, especially when Niall couldn’t quite grasp the act of tackling for the ball, preferring to flick his wand and hoist Louis up in the air instead.

Louis brushed his lips against Harry’s neck in a silent apology, before sitting up and stretching with a yawn, rolling his shoulders and stretching his spine.

He glanced down at Harry, who was watching him intently, of course, and poked him in cheek.

“Up you get Harold, lots to do, and I dunno about you but the dried cum in my pants really isn’t having any positive effects on my wellbeing.”

Harry rolled his eyes fondly but sat up all the same. “Lots to do? It’s the Christmas holidays, Lou, there’s like, no one here.”

Louis widened his eyes, gesturing around the empty dormitory before beginning a sarcastic slow clap. “Top notch observational skills, Harold, really brilliant.” He paused to peck the pout of Harry’s face before continuing. “I have great plans for us today, H, and after our shower where I may or may not request for you to suck my dick, I plan to devour so much breakfast the house elves will have to roll me outta there.”

Harry raised his eyebrows, but half an hour later there Louis was, stuffing his face with bacon and eggs, dick freshly sucked and a smug Harry tucked into his side munching on his cornflakes, great hall adorned with glittering Christmas trees. What a great holiday it was looking to be.

*

After breakfast, where thankfully Louis didn’t live up to his previous claim and walked out of the great hall on his own two feet, albeit with about three tonnes of glitter dumped over his head from a passing paper elf that seemed to have been enchanted to fly around sprinkling the stuff gently but instead was just grabbing large handfuls and chucking them at people. Ah, Hogwarts.

They’d trekked back down to Louis’ dormitory in the dungeons, Harry snorting with laughter as Louis sporadically spat out mouthfuls of glitter that literally seemed neverending.

They were planning a trek up to the owlery to send letters to their respective families, and putting on their cloaks, scarves, hats and gloves, although normally an activity that would take about, what, a minute? Took them half an hour because they kept snogging each other’s faces off. Louis was glad to see the magic was still there, pun intended (and mini panic attack that he was actually _turning into_ Harry), because he could probably non- stop snog Harry for years.

Walking out of the entrance hall and into the freezing, white covered world was a bit of a shock to the system, Louis and Harry huddling together as they crossed the courtyard, leaving a trial of footprints in the otherwise untouched blanket of snow behind them.

Louis loved Hogwarts in winter, especially after a heavy snow fall when the normally heaving castle would seem quieter somehow, more peaceful. The great lake would be frozen over in a vast expanse of glittering glass, and Louis would suggest ice skating but he’d rather not face the immediate onslaught of ‘what’s ice skating?’ Honestly, bloody purebloods.

They began the descent up to the owlery, breath puffing in clouds in front of them, not needing to fill the silence with chatter but instead both of them just appreciating the stillness of the winter morning, comforted by the warm grasp of their gloved hands.

About half way up, Louis paused, pulling Harry to a halt that of course caused the younger boy to skid, unbalanced, and crash into Louis, knocking them both against the stone wall that lined the steps.

“Smooth, Styles,” Louis said with a snort, gripping Harry’s forearms tightly as the taller boy righted himself.

“Oops,” Harry muttered, seeming to have caught his balance but not feeling the need to exit Louis’ arms any time soon, which was completely fine with Louis, of course. “What you stop for, anyway?”

Louis just shrugged, gesturing an arm out to the sight before them, the grounds, frozen with a blanket of snow, the tops of the trees in the forbidden forest heavy with it, the mountains in the distance peaked with the stuff. Hagrid’s cabin, although just a speck in the distance, reminding Louis of the gingerbread houses he used to make as a child with his grandmother, and how she’d always let him sprinkle the icing sugar on top to create the snow- like effect, more ending up down his front than on the house, of course.

Harry crowded up behind him, resting a head on Louis shoulder. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” He muttered, happy to stay pressed to Louis back, completely getting how overwhelmed Louis sometimes felt that he was actually here, in this magical place.

Louis just smiled and stopped still for a few more moments, before turning and starting off back up the steps, keeping a careful arm around Harry’s waist, because really, Harry tumbling down several hundred steps would be rather inconvenient, the hospital wing was miles away.

“I have to say, it was a brilliant idea of ours to stay here for Christmas.” Louis panted out, the exertion of what felt like a million steps reminding him just how unfit he was now quidditch practice had stopped and he was eating for about three people each meal time.

“Definitely,” Harry replied, turning and meeting Louis’ eyes with a soft smile.

They’d both told their families they were going to stay at Hogwarts over the break and ‘study’, although Louis pretty sure both of their mum’s knew exactly the real reason. He imagines they’ve already had several giggling conversations about it, for a witch, Anne has mastered every form of muggle communication. Louis’ pretty sure she has a mobile phone solely to text Johannah ideas on Louis and Harry’s wedding ceremony, honestly, mothers.

The lads were no less easier to convince, as soon as they’d told them they were staying at school for the holidays they were met with a chorus of ‘oh yeah, studying, more like shagging non- stop for the entire two weeks’ and a ‘don’t you fuck on my bed!’ From Niall. Honestly, they weren’t animals (totally were).

Plus, the castle was practically empty as the majority of students had headed home for the holidays, so few were left in the great hall for meals save for the teachers, who mostly only spared them a passing eyeroll when they’re the last ones at dinner giggling and whispering into each other’s mouths.

Louis is quite flattered, however, by the overwhelming support from Hagrid, although that may be more to do with the fact Harry is top of his NEWT care of magical creature’s class. Whenever he sees the two of them together, he sends them an over-exaggerated wink every time he glances in their direction, probably thinking he’s being subtle (Louis doesn’t think Hagrid has any idea what subtlety means), or if he happens to catch either one of them gazing lovingly at the other from a distance (which happens far too often, really), he’ll attempt to give them a friendly elbow, which mostly results in some sort of actual bodily harm  and once saw Harry fly rather spectacularly down the length of the Ravenclaw breakfast table, knocking dishes of eggs and bacon to the ground and splattering screeching students with lumps of porridge as he went, still attempting to apologise profusely with half a loaf of bread hanging out of his mouth.

When they finally arrived at the owlery, Louis far too out of breath for what a Slytherin seeker should be, they opened the old wooden door quietly, hoping to not disturb the owls too much.

The rows upon rows of wooden rafters were emptier than usual, students preferring to take their pet’s home, although the group of Hogwarts barn owls were all huddled in a corner, heads under their wings but no doubt just pretending to be asleep so they wouldn’t be sent out into the cold.

Wrinkling his nose at the smell, Harry peered up into the dark rafters, his beautiful snowy owl Sydney normally pretty easy to locate. Plus she loved Harry, so as soon as she realized it was him she’d come and perch in his curls, nibbling his ear affectionately.

Louis own owl, however, was probably the polar opposite. Louis liked to think Kevin loved him deep down (deep, deep down), but the beak marks permanently indented into his hands probably said otherwise.

“Kevin!” Louis hissed, straining his eyes for the small Tawny owl, sending a dirty look in Harry’s direction as the younger boy cooed over his snowy owl, who was nuzzling his face, honestly they were practically snogging, Louis felt quite ill. And irrationally jealous, but, that’s beside the point. Because it was an _owl_.

“Kevin!” He hissed again, louder this time, knowing the stupid bird was probably watching him with a beady eye, silently laughing as he hid in the shadows. Louis had tried ‘ _Accio Kevin_ ’ once, and well, he’d certainly learned his lesson to never repeat that again, he’d rather not have a ball of fluff torpedo towards him then claw at his face for 10 minutes while his supposed ‘best mate’ cried with laughter on the floor instead of helping him. Honestly, Louis was far too good for Zayn.

“Aha!” Louis muttered when he spotted the familiar shape trying to huddle into a corner, easily identifiable by his slightly bent wing that Louis had been told he’d been born with. That was part of what drew Louis towards him, the imperfection, and the fact that they were both smaller than everybody else and right grumpy bastards.

Louis sneakily edged towards the wall, reaching a hand out last minute before quickly grabbing Kevin, holding tight even as he felt the sting of the familiar beak peck his hand.

“Ouch, Kevin, you little shit,” Louis seethed, Kevin staring up at him innocently from where he was now perched on his arm, thankfully not attempting to fly away.

Louis brought the heavy letter out of his pocket, he’d not managed to stop himself writing separate essay’s to each of the girls, and a cute little moving picture card for the baby twins.

If an owl could sigh, then Kevin would be doing so non- stop as Louis tied the parchment to his leg, honestly, it was like having a mood teenager.

“You need to work on your attitude.” Louis told Kevin as he walked over to the window. Kevin responded by nibbling Louis’ thumb, although not quite as sharp as normal, so Louis classed that as a win. Harry had just released Sydney and was stood to the side, watching Louis mutter to Kevin with a dopey smile.

“Take this home then,” Louis said, raising his arm towards the gap. “Fly safe.”

Kevin let out a soft coo which Louis hoped was the start of his ‘attitude readjustment,’ before extending his wings and swooping out of the window, his bent wing having no effect on his ability to fly but making a stark contrast against the white world. He was dysfunctional, but Louis loved him really.

They quietly watched the owls fly until they were specks in the distance, before turning and making their way back to the castle, Harry shrieking when Louis dumped a load of snow down the back of his cloak with a cackle, trying and failing to run away before Harry dragged him back by his sleeve. And because he was Harry, he promptly fell over, dragging Louis with him until they hit the ground with a thud, Louis on top of him.

“Hi,” Harry said softly, peering up at Louis through his eyelashes.

“Hi,” Louis replied, still breathless from his laughter. They were wet and cold, but he really didn’t care in this moment, because the world had frozen and it was just them looking at each other like they had everything they ever needed, and that if they could, they’d lay on the freezing ground forever, just mapping each other’s faces.

Eventually, after several lingering kisses, they got up, shivering, and followed the dents made by their earlier footprints to the main doors, teeth chattering as they made their way up the grand staircase.

As the day was still young and they had an empty castle just asking for some havoc to be wreaked, they took it in turns to perform disillusionment charms on one another and stalk Peeves around empty classrooms, pelting him with bits of chalk until he turned purple with rage, Harry’s loud guwaff eventually giving them away meaning they had to sprint back to the dormitory, Peeves whooshing close behind them screaming a vow of revenge. Normally Louis would care, because getting on the wrong side of Peeves meant an education filled with nonstop farting noises and various objects flying towards your head wherever you go, but the way Harry’s face was lit up in a breathless cackle, green eyes full of tears, looking like ten times more beautiful than any Veela could ever hope to be, well, it was definitely worth it.

Giggling, they fumbled down the corridor and through the painting into the Hufflepuff common room, immediately heading towards the roaring fire. The Hufflepuff common room could only be described as ‘cosy’, with its mismatched chairs and sofas all equal levels of inviting, various fluffy blankets strewn around, the place decked out in tinsel, fairy lights that floated around wireless, the huge pine the Hufflepuff’s had persuaded Hagrid to bring them in the corner, decorated in a multitude of various ornaments student’s had brought from home, branches heaving with little cards some students had written various Christmas wishes and positive phrases on. It was of course decked out in yellow and black, the doorways to the various dormitory’s completely round, like little hobbit holes (Louis knew better than to mention this to most of them, honestly, bloody purebloods).

It was a stark contrast to the dark lighting and wooden look of the Slytherin common room, although both had their merits of course. Louis always felt slightly overwhelmed here, and although he always felt welcome sometimes he longed for the chilled atmosphere of the dungeons. Plus there was an emerald velvet chaise he enjoyed lounging on, it was perfect for making scathing comments from at the minority who were the ‘my father will hear about this’ types.

Laying out their cloaks to dry, Louis and Harry sat cuddled by the fire for a while, snorting with laughter over Peeves’ face earlier and wondering aloud what their friends were doing, both immediately coming to the conclusion that Niall was probably bladdered after consuming vast amounts of firewhiskey.

“That reminds me!” Louis said suddenly, causing Harry to jump slightly as he bounded to his feet.

“What?”

“Remember how Niall always sweet talks Rosmerta into selling him bottles of firewhiskey?” Louis said, rooting around behind the many cushions as Harry watched him, puzzled.

“Yeah…”

“Well he definitely said he had one bottled stashed away somewhere, so I was thinking, we find it, drink it, have a little fun…” Louis trailed off, grinning slyly at Harry’s whose whole face had lit up in a matching smirk, immediately jumping to his feet to help Louis look.

They rummaged down the back of sofas, behind books, even under the Christmas tree but to no avail. Harry tried a summoning charm but Louis knew Niall was too smart for that, he took his liquor very, very seriously.

“Hang on…” Harry drawled, eyebrows knit together in contemplation. “I remember… like I think I saw him at one of the party’s over there…” He gestured towards the ridiculously large badger statue in the corner, which Louis had affectionally referred to as ‘Bodger’ (although no one knew what he was referencing, apart from some first years he’d made giggle).

“Genius, Haz, I bet it opens!”

Harry beamed, kneeling down next to Louis, who was inspecting the base of the statue closely.

“Dya reckon it’s in the base? Or like… summat weird like in Bodger’s tummy, or head?” Louis asked.

“I dunno,” Harry shrugged, “Shall we just like tap it with our wands and see?”

Louis snorted, rolling his eyes affectionately and tugged on one of Harry’s curls. “You’re such an idiot, I love you.” He returned Harry’s soppy smile before pulling his wand out of his pocket, aiming it towards various parts of the statue.

“ _Dissendium,_ ” He said clearly, tapping the statue’s stomach with his wand. They both waited with baited breath, before a panel slid and vanished, revealing a small opening.

Harry pulled a face. “There’s only one opening you should be putting your hand in, and that belongs to me.” He said, smirking at Louis slightly shocked expression.

“Harold!” Louis breathed, “You dirty child, you should wash your mouth out with soap, or there’s another substance I can think of that might do the job…” He grinned as Harry’s eyes widened, before stretching his hand down into the opening. His fingernails scraped on air before landing on a small box, and with a frown he pulled it out, holding it up and then snorting with laughter, because, condoms.

“Oh Niall,” Harry laughed, “Poor lad lives in hope.”

Louis chuckled, before handing the box to Harry and plunging his hand back in, this time stretching to the right and closing his fingers around cool glass.

“Yessssss,” He yelled, triumphantly pulling the half empty bottle of firewhiskey out of the belly of the statue.

“Nice one, Lou,” Harry said excitedly, chucked the condoms back into the gap. “Ooh, we should have one of them, what’s it Rosmerta makes, chocwhiskey?!”

Louis snorted, “I really don’t think that’s what they’re called Haz, is that when you put firewhiskey into your hot chocolate?”

“Yeah!” Harry replied, “They’re so nice, can we have them, Lou? Please?”

Louis shook his head in fond exasperation, but found himself agreeing nonetheless, because really, how could he ever say no to Harry? He also found himself agreeing to go to the kitchen because he got distracted by Harry’s adorable little pout, honestly, he was a menace.

Louis didn’t mind the kitchen, really, it was just... well, the house elves were a little full on, is all. As soon as he heard the little pear giggle and the door to the kitchen swung open, he was met with an onslaught of wide eyes and grabby hands as the house elves descended, mostly with cries of ‘there’s the Styles’ boy’s boyfriend! Isn’t he cute!’ and ‘Sir, Mr Styles is always coming for extra éclairs for you, he likes you very much a lot sir!’

 Louis had gone almost as red as the nearest house elf’s Christmas jumper, smiling bashfully as various house elves stuffed custard creams into his pocket with their tiny hands.

“Guys, stop, you’re making me blush.” Louis said, immediately being met by various giggles.

“What can we get for you today, sir?” A male house elf with a pointy nose and reindeer patterned loin cloth asked.

“Harry and I would love some hot chocolate, if that’s okay.” Louis answered, several house elves immediately squeaking out an ‘of course’ before scuttling around, moving seamlessly together to prepare their drinks.

Louis had barely taken a step forward when a silver tray was shoved in his hands, with two huge mugs of hot chocolate topped with peaks of whipped cream, two wobbly drawn smiley faces in a chocolate sauce on top.

And, aw. Louis felt his insides goo up a little at the thoughtfulness, no wonder Niall spent half his time in here. Well, that and the mountains of food the house elves were more than happy to keep in constant supply.

“Thank you,” He stammered, “Thanks so much.”

“No problem sir!” One voice squeaked.

“Come back any time!” Said another.

“And bring Mr Styles with you next time!”

“And Mr Horan!” Another added.

“I will,” Louis replied with a chuckle, back towards the door and attempting to dodge the little hands that were still attempting to stuff sweets in his already brimming pockets. “Thanks again!”

He closed the door to a chorus of ‘byes!’, still laughing to himself. Small people are always the best. Cough.

*

Louis was still chuckling to himself as he slipped behind the portrait into the Hufflepuff common room, remembering to dodge the wooden hand that randomly came out of the wall and attempted to grab passers-by and not let go until they’d vowed to bring it food. The common room was empty and silent save for the fire still crackling merrily in the grate.

Louis assumed Harry had gone upstairs to his dormitory, probably sitting back in bed awaiting Louis to serve him his drink like the majestic being he was. Hell, if he was naked then Louis didn’t mind one bit.

He paused at the foot of the stairs to rebalance the tray, and he’d just lifted his foot to begin the ascent when he heard a sharp cough.

“Hello.”

With a start, Louis turned around.

Niall’s head was sitting in the fireplace, wide grin lighting up his features as flames licked the bright tips of his hair. Louis promptly dropped his tray at the sight.

“Bloody hell!” He yelled, half at the sudden appearance of Niall _in the_ _fire_ and half at the scalding cocoa he’d just dropped on his bare foot. “What are you _doing_?!”

Niall just continued to grin, clearly highly amused by Louis hopping on one foot and desperately trying to search for a weapon he could use to beat his friend’s head out of the fireplace.

“Well,” Niall began. “We’re going on an adventure!”

“Sorry what?” Louis replied, still seething. “Probably best not to be cryptic to someone who is about to detach your head from your body.”

The grin had still not slipped off of Niall’s face, despite Louis triumphant cry when he’d finally located his wand and was now pointing it directly at Niall’s head.

“We’re going on a trip!” Niall said excitedly, eyes becoming slightly wary when he eyed Louis’ wand, Niall had often been a victim of Louis’ bat bogey hex over the years, and Louis was not quite sure what fire would add to the jinx, although it couldn’t be anything good. Excellent.

“Well you might be, but me and Haz certainly aren’t. We’re staying here to study, we told you.” Louis replied flatly, not feeling all too appreciative that Niall’s appearance was delaying his evening of a lack of sobriety and a lot of naked Harry. Plus he’d made Louis drop the hot chocolate the house elves had lovingly crafted. He was feeling quite put out.

Niall rolled his eyes. “Study my arse,” before laughing at Louis when he muttered ‘I’d rather not, thanks.’ “Lou, it’s our last year at Hogwarts, it’s your birthday in a few days. Who knows what we’ll be doing next year, we just wanted to do something, you know, the five of us.”

“Again, it’s a no from me.” Louis remained resolute, ignoring Niall’s puppy dog eyes in favour of staring at the half naked portrait of the Hufflepuff ghost, The Fat Friar (done when he was alive, of course).

“Louis. Please.” Niall pouted. “It’ll be a great craic, Liam’s booked it and everything, we’re so excited, you have to come, we thought you’d love the surprise…”

Louis knew what Niall was doing, the sneaky bastard was definitely not above emotional blackmail, but he felt his resolve crumbling all the same. Plus, anything less than a giant grin on Niall’s face made Louis feel a bit odd, in all honestly.

“Oh Merlin’s pants, I can’t believe I’m even considering this.” Louis muttered, shooting Niall a dirty look when he whooped. “What am I gunna tell Haz?”

“Just tell him we’re going on a lad’s holiday, he’ll be well up for it!” Niall’s head was bobbing as if he was doing a jig (probably was). “Anyway, me’ knee is killin’ me, meet us at Liam’s tomorrow ‘bout noon, Geoff’s arranging a portkey.”

Louis sighed. “Fine. Fine. We’ll have to floo out of Longbottom’s office, he’ll definitely let us, I’m 98 per cent sure he fancies Harold. Besides there’s more chance of Slughorn sexily dancing to ‘Santa Baby’ than him letting us floo out of his office at this time of year, he’s undoubtedly passed out drunk somewhere after too much mead.”

Louis looked up, Niall somehow appeared to be chewing.

“What’s Santa Baby?” He asked, muffled probably due to the pure volume of food he could fit into his fat gob.

“I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer.” Honestly, bloody purebloods. “See you tomorrow.” He aimed his wand towards the mess at his feet, vanishing it with a quick ‘ _Evanesco_ ’. Louis made to turn back towards the stairs, setting off for a run when he heard a shrill ‘Oi! Is that my firewhiskey?! How did you-‘.

He paused outside Harry’s dormitory before collecting himself and slowly opening the door.

Harry was indeed lounging on his bed, clad only in a tin black pair of boxer briefs. Louis gulped.

“What took you so long?” Harry asked, stretching slightly and causing his ab muscles to ripple. Louis gulped again. “Thought I heard talking…”

Louis edged through the doorway. “Well, erm, I kinda have a surprise…” He trailed off, gently shutting the door behind him with a click. Here goes.

*

With a deep breath, Louis stepped into the fireplace, making sure to pronounce Liam’s address properly in fear he’d end up toppling into some poor, unsuspecting muggle’s living room, Professor Longbottom’s ‘happy holidays’ ringing in his ears.

Although the roaring of the fire and the stupidly fast whooshing was a fairly familiar feeling to him now, it still didn’t stop his stomach dropping to somewhere near his feet as he whirled past, flashes of light and noise there for a beat before he was rushed in the opposite direction.

After Louis’ bombshell, Harry had taken some convincing to wipe the pout of his face, including plenty of coaxing and Louis doing something with his tongue that he didn’t care thinking about, he didn’t think arriving at Liam’s parents’ house with a raging boner would be the way to go really (although he must say, wizard’s robes are brilliant at concealing unplanned erections, a definite plus to his alternative schooling). Especially as he was now dressed in muggle clothing in the form of skin tight black skinnies and a grey jumper. Being muggle born definitely had its perks in that he actually had some idea how to dress, unlike Niall who came out with some worrying combinations, and Zayn, who always wore the same jeans and leather jacket because he ‘didn’t like change.’ Being half-bloods, Liam and Harry were better, although Harry seemed to think wearing two plaid shirts at a time was a normal thing to do, so perhaps not.

Just before he was dangerously close to falling over the edge into actual vomiting territory, Louis’ body slowed down, an invisible force practically throwing him head first onto a familiar rug, coughing and spluttering.

“Alright mate?” Liam’s voice said gently as a strong hand helped him to his feet.

“Yeah,” Louis coughed, looking up with a smile. “Good to see you.” He returned Liam’s embrace with a sharp pat on his broad back, peering over Liam’s shoulder to smile at Liam’s mum, Karen.

“Hello love,” Karen said, walking over to Louis with her wand raised. “Come here, you’re a bit sooty.” She flicked her wand at him without a sound, and immediately Louis was dust free, looking round Liam’s warm kitchen and smiling when he saw the dishes cleaning themselves.

“So,” Liam began, “Sorry if you and Harry weren’t really feeling this, didn’t mean to surprise you.” Liam rubbed a hand over the back of his neck self-consciously, puppy eyes brimming with worry that somehow planning a surprise holiday was going to really upset them.

“Don’t be silly Li,” Louis replied with a fond eye roll. “We’re actually quite excited, to be honest, Haz was jabbering on all sorts about what he was going to pack, it got quite annoying, actually.”

Liam smiled, more confident this time, finally letting some of his own excitement show on his face. “Where’re your bags anyway?”

“I dunno, Harold’s bringing them, he should be along any second although I imagine Longbottom’s trying to snog him goodbye or something.”

Liam snorted at that, smiled exasperatedly at Louis.

“Where’s Zayn and Nialler, anyway?” Louis continued, peering round Liam’s kitchen, empty except for the two of them and Karen, who was waving her wand until neat little sandwiches appeared on the chopping board, humming to herself, as if he expected them to suddenly pop out of nowhere (which happened often, especially since Niall learned how to apparate without splinching himself and leaving various body parts behind).

“In the lounge with Dad,” Liam replied, his expression telling Louis that whatever they were up to, it was probably being mischievous. “He’s showing them how the TV works…”

Louis let out a laugh, feeling for Geoff. Although he’d fully embraced that his wife and son were magical, he still enjoyed his muggle comforts. Liam had followed in his mother’s footsteps, with the sorting hat shouting ‘Gryffindor!’ as soon as it touched his bristly head. Although he’d been a little uptight when Louis had attempted to befriend him in first year, he’d soon relaxed, even participating in some of Louis’ minor pranks yet still somehow ending up being Head Boy.

That was two of his friends in positions of power, Zayn being a Ravenclaw prefect, god knows how but Louis thinks it probably has something to do with the fact he’s perfected the ability to slightly confund teachers so that whenever they look his way in class they’ll see him, back ramrod straight, eagerly taking notes and listening to their every word when in fact he’s been asleep from the moment they say ‘quills out’. Yet he still managed to get mostly ‘outstandings’ in his OWLs. Honestly, it’s completely not fair.

With a comfortable sigh, Louis plopped himself down in one of the kitchen chairs to wait for Harry, the latter of whom was probably taking notes whilst Professor Longbottom garbled on about the dangers of wordly plants.

He’d just let out a yawn when the flames in the fireplace let out a loud crackle, before turning a vivid green, and sure enough Harry appeared, falling out of the fireplace as graceful as ever, large leather bag thrown over one shoulder.

“Alright love?” Louis asked, immediately jumping up to give Harry a hand up and take his bag from him, setting it on the chair he’d just vacated.

“Yeah,” Harry replied with a gravelly voice, he’d probably inhaled half the ash yelling a goodbye to Professor Longbottom. “Fine, just always feels weird, that.”

Louis nodded in agreement, attempting to pat the soot away covering Harry’s back until Karen took pity on him and wordlessly waved her wand again, revealing (perhaps unfortunately) Harry’s loudly patterned shirt that he annoyingly managed to pull off.

Brushing a kiss to Louis’ cheek, Harry immediately bounded off to hug Liam and Karen, thanking her for her hospitality whilst Louis watched on fondly, that was until Liam coughed pointedly, smirking.

“Oh shut up,” Louis snapped. “Like you won’t be constantly sending owls off to Sophia for our whole holiday.”

Liam just stuck his tongue out childishly, but before Louis could respond with his own far more mature hand gesture, he was bombarded with various yells as loud Irishman bounded into the kitchen and promptly threw himself into Louis’ arms.

“Lads!” Niall cried. “Yer’ here! Let’s get going!” He bounced excitedly as Louis pulled back, Louis not being able to help raising an eyebrow at Niall’s attire.

He was wearing a far too big lilac t shirt, on top of yellow shorts, which was ridiculous in itself seeing as it was like -18 degrees outside, chunky high topped trainers and a camouflage patterned flat peaked cap. You really wouldn’t think he was from a long line of Irish purebloods, some actually rumoured to be descendants of Helga Hufflepuff herself. For their lineage, however, the Horan’s were a completely dysfunctional family that were somehow completely functional, and having spent two weeks of summer there every year since he met Niall in charms class when they both succeeded in singeing their eyebrows off instead of undertaking the simple act of ‘putting their wands away’, they were also some of the nicest people Louis had ever met. Despite the fact that he always remains surprised Bobby Horan hasn’t blown up the whole of Ireland tinkering with muggle gadgets ever since Arthur Weasley had released his book ‘Muggles: 1000 things you can do with  screwdriver’.

After he’d detached himself from Niall’s octopus limbs and the blonde had leapt off with a cry of ‘Harold!’ Louis leaned across Liam to give Zayn a hug.

“What on earth is he wearing?” Louis whispered, nodding his head towards Niall as he pulled back.

Zayn just shrugged, watching Niall fondly as he attempted to pick Harry off his feet whilst whirling him around in a hug.

“Boys!” Came a shout from the living room, and the five lads stopped, turning. “Your portkey’s nearly ready!”

Geoff came into the kitchen carrying what looked like the torso of a plastic doll, slightly morbid, Louis thought, but there you go.

“Wait!” Louis said suddenly, turning to face Liam. “You haven’t told us where we’re even going!”

“It’s a surprise,” Liam replied solemnly, trying and failing to hide a smirk as Niall sniggered next to him.

“Don’t worry Lou,” came Harry’s deep voice as they all huddled around the portkey, Liam taking care to kiss both parents on the cheek. “I packed for many possible outcomes.”

“Well that just fills me with confidence, thanks Harold, at least I know I’ll have the right kind of shoes if we end up tr-“

“Ssh!” Zayn hissed, “Time to go.”

The portkey had turned a bright blue, and Louis hurried to press his forefinger on to it, making sure everyone was attached and ready to go.

“Stay safe boys!” Louis heard Karen call, before something hooked around his navel and he was jerked back, roaring filling his ears as he pressed his eyes shut in a hope to stem the nausea, only opening them when he heard a shout of ‘Heads up lads, we’re landing!” and everything slowed, before he felt himself hurtling towards the ground. He landed with a thump, the breath knocked out of him, and before he had a chance to move or even breathe, he felt the other boys land in a heap around him, as well as on top of him, which _ouch_ , someone’s elbow was lodged in a place he’d really rather it wasn’t… but, they had arrived.

*

Wincing, Louis slowly climbed to his feet, picking a twig where it had been practically indented off his face and brushing his jeans down, letting out a reassured sigh when he felt his wand still snug in his pocket.

A selection of groans sounded behind him as the other boys climbed to their feet, Liam wincing and muttering a quick ‘ _reparo_ ’  at the gaping rip in his white tank top.

They’d landed in a small clearing, the area around them thick with trees. If it wasn’t for the humidity that had taken his breath away along with the fact his t shirt was sticking to his back and his jeans felt uncomfortably hot, Louis would’ve known they weren’t exactly close to home by the branches heaving with various multi-coloured fruit, plants taller than Harry blooming with colour and looking attractively poisonous. Oh, and the fact that one of those plants was now attempting to eat Niall.

“Ni!” Louis yelled, struggling to withdraw his wand from his glued on jeans as green tentacles began to wrap around Niall’s legs and torso, a huge bud opening just above Niall’s bleached head and extending what appeared to be a purple tongue that grazed the tips of Niall’s spikey fringe.

Niall’s eyes bugged as he slowly realized he was literally being _eaten by a plant_ , before he started to yell, frantically thrashing against the iron grip.

“Shit,” Liam cursed as he and Zayn ran forward, trying and failing to pull the plant off Niall, the blonde boy now turning a worrying shade of purple, Liam’s cries of ‘ _diffindo’_ only succeeding in lacerating one tentacle before another glided and took its place.

Louis stood there staring for a moment, having unfortunately never been in a situation before that involved rescuing a pal from being devoured by hungry vegetation.

“Harold!” Louis called, slowly ambling towards Harry, the latter of whom was bent peering into a bush. “You’re halfway up Longbottom’s arse, what in living fuck is that thing and how do we stop it from swallowing Niall?”

His question went ignored for a second, which was definitely not something he enjoyed, and he coughed pointedly, causing Harry to jump.

“Oh, sorry.” Harry said, eyes still slightly unfocused. “I saw a pretty flower.” He glanced towards Niall, whose limbs had been completely wrapped in vines that seemed to be attempting to pull them off his body, Liam attempting to dissuade the plant by punching it (apparently being a wizard is something easily forgotten in a crisis) and Zayn who only appeared to be blabbering insults. Harry raised an eyebrow. “Well, I think it must be Devil’s Snare, but, I dunno, it looks different here…” He trailed off and Louis rolled his eyes, before jumping with a start when Zayn called out behind them, voice bordering on hysteria.

“Hey guys, If you two could stop mooning over each other for _one second_ , Niall is genuinely just about to be taken down to the underworld, so kindly HURRY THE FUCK UP AND HELP US!”

“Harold,” Louis started, voice low and becoming a bit more urgent when it became apparent he might be one friend less if they didn’t put six years of education to good use. “Time for all this bloody swotting to pay off…”

Harry ran a hand helplessly through his hair, chewing at his lip for a moment before something clicked and his face lit up. “Light,” he muttered, “if it’s Devil’s Snare it hates light.”

“Niall’s halfway into a plant’s bloody digestive system and it takes you 84 years to come up with ‘light,’, brilliant,” Louis muttered, before raising his wand with a shout of “Lads!”

Zayn and Liam turned round with a start, they’d been attempting to pull Niall by the arms out of the plants grip which looked to be having more success in severing the poor boy in half than freeing him, Niall practically sobbing as he clawed at the green vines with a sniffly ‘gerrof me’.

“It doesn’t like light,” Louis yelled, sighing as the others looked at him blankly. “For merlin’s sake I’ll just do it my bleedin’ self, _Lumos Solem_!”

The end of his wand erupted in light, filling the clearing and causing the plant to let out an ear splitting shriek, luckily dropping Niall at the exact same time as Liam and Zayn did, the idiots, and retreating back, the flower closing and shrinking as the plant seemed to disappear until all was left was a tiny, innocuous shrub.

“Am I dead?” Niall groaned, face pressed into the dirt as he writhed slowly on the ground.

“No.” Louis replied, fanning his sticky t shirt against his torso. “It just may take a while for your balls to drop back out of your body.”

Niall groaned again, wincing as he allowed Liam to pull him to his feet. “Where have you brought us Liam,” he mumbled, “I ain’t enjoying it so far.”

Liam looked slightly guilty as he bent to pick up his rucksack, turning and meeting all of their accusatory glares with an “it’s just through there, you’ll see, it’ll be fine!”

He attempted to give them a reassuring smile, which actually looked more anxious and did nothing to stem the doubt it Louis’ mind. Liam meant well, really, but sometimes he just got it wrong… hopefully it would not be one of those times.

“Come on then, adventurer’s,” Louis said with a clap of his hands, trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s get going to paradise!”

Liam shot him a grateful smile before passing Zayn his bag, the latter of whom looked like he’d rather be anywhere else, but reluctantly hefted it onto one shoulder so the smile didn’t drop from Liam’s features.

Louis helped Niall with his bag, ignoring the Irish boys mutters of ‘internal bleeding’ and ‘always bloody me’ before he grabbed Harry’s hand, skipping ahead and trying not to feel to put out when the other’s groaned and told him to shut up when he chattered on about ‘Tommo’s latest triumph’. Honestly, what an ungrateful lot. He was never saving their lives again.

Louis enthusiasm died approximately 5 minutes later when he was practically drowning in sweat, Liam’s promise of ‘paradise’ nowhere in sight. In fact, all he could see were trees and an occasional rock, as all of them took care to dodge various plant limbs, and Louis was pretending like he wasn’t keeping a wary eye out for something which Niall was ‘73% sure was a dragon’.

“Leeeyummmmm,” Louis groaned, running his fingers through his sopping fringe. “How much longer and why couldn’t we have just apparated?!”

“Um…well…” Liam started, guiltily not meeting Louis’ eyes. “Because I’m not one hundred per cent sure where it is exactly.”

“You what.” Zayn stopped, glaring at Liam, his usually perfect quiff hanging limply over his forehead, still resolutely refusing to remove his token leather jacket, despite it being about a million degrees.

“I’m pretty sure it’s like, over there, somewhere…” Liam gestured helplessly, cowering slightly as Louis and Zayn advanced on him with matching murderous expressions.

“Wait!” Harry yelled, excitedly. “Just through there, I see the sea!” He paused, chuckling to himself. “I see the sea, brilliant,” he muttered. Louis sighed.

“Really? Great, that means it should be just round this corner…” Liam trailed off as he strode forward, the others hurrying along beside him, smacking in to each other in a comical fashion as Liam stopped dead in his tracks.

Sure enough, there was the sea, although Louis was pretty sure he couldn’t see any sign of the ‘luxury cabins’ Liam had promised.

In fact, what he could see, was an old man lounging in a rusty deck chair, reading a magazine and wearing what appeared to be a Scottish Kilt, a fleecy jumper with a large wolf printed on it, and a black fedora complete with speckled feather.

Behind him, was what could only be described as 2 dilapidated tool sheds.

“Maybe this is just the reception area,” Harry said hopefully.

“It doesn’t look anything like the pictures…” Liam said dejectedly.

With a sigh, honestly why on earth had he picked such incompetent friends, Louis strode forward, approaching the bloke in the deckchair who looked like he was seconds away from falling straight through it.

“Excuse me,” Louis called, causing the old man to jump about six feet on the air, his magazine going flying. Louis shot a helpless glance back at the others, who were sniggering, the arseholes, before hurrying to catch up when Louis got them with his best death glare.

“Merlin’s beard,” The old man grumbled, hurrying to adjust his hat before glaring at them grumpily.

“Um hi,” Liam said with a polite smile. “I made a reservation under the name Payne…” He trailed off as the old man continued to glare at them icily, his raggedy long grey hair and affronted stare reminding Louis of Argus Filch, the Hogwart’s caretaker who been around for as long as anyone could remember, despite possessing no magical powers whatsoever.

Harry broke the silence. “I like your hat.” He said to the old man, who grunted.

“Thanks,” He said sourly, clearly still mad at them for interrupting his intent magazine reading.

Louis craned his neck to read the title from where the old man had knocked it onto the floor. ‘Sexy Squibs Monthly,’ he read. And, well then, they’d clearly interrupted the man’s ‘alone time’. Louis felt slightly ill.

The old men heaved a sigh, before pointing towards what looked like the more run down of the two cabins, if that was even possible. “That’s your one. Don’t make too much noise, and don’t bring no girls back neither.”

Louis snorted, like that was ever something that would happen.

“Um,” Liam started again, clearly wrestling with his inner well- mannerdness and the fact he was probably being shafted out of a rather large amount of galleons. “I booked a four star resort, it, um, it doesn’t really look like the ad in the paper…”

“Don’t believe everything you read.” The old man replied flatly, before plonking himself back in the creaking deck chair and moving his hat over his face in a clear remark of ‘bugger off’. Well.

Liam shrugged helplessly. “I’m sure it’s nice inside, I bet there’s an extension charm on it, it’ll be cosy, you’ll see!”

They did see. And yes, there was an extension charm on the cabin, of a grand total of about 4 feet. Fabulous.

It didn’t stop there though, the cabin also had to offer 2 wooden bunk beds complete with suspiciously stained bedding, a moth eaten sofa, a fireplace and a table which only had 3 legs. Also, the toilet appeared to be outside, and the shower consisted of large steel bucket.

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” Louis voiced, half expecting Liam to fall about laughing before leading them to some four season’s esque boudoir.

“It’s cosy!” Liam replied, clearly trying to muster up some much needed enthusiasm, which was quite difficult when he looked more like he was about to break down sobbing at any moment.

“Yes, because living practically in each other’s arseholes is classed as ‘cosy’, how could I forget?” Louis muttered darkly, only managing a small smile when Harry nudged him and shot him a wink. He’d probably spent more time in or within the vicinity of Harry’s arsehole than his family home but, that was neither here nor there, really.

It took them a grand total of about 40 seconds to get settled in, what could be the only benefit of their living situation being that he got to share a single bed with Harry, and he clearly intended to make everyone feel as uncomfortable as possible by making graphic sexual advances on him at all times.

Zayn had taken one look at their living quarters for the next week and had thrown himself face first down on the musty sofa, muttering darkly. Niall had shrugged, before producing a chocolate frog from his pocket and chomping, he clearly got over near death experiences quickly, the champion. Liam was pacing.

“Let’s go to the beach!” Liam said suddenly, grinning slightly manically before attempting to pull Zayn to his feet (which was fruitless, Zayn’d probably come well stocked with sleeping draught, Louis was pretty sure he had a hip flask full of the stuff).

Liam threw the door open excitedly, calling a loud ‘come on!’ over his shoulder.

The previously azure sky was now what could only be described as a threatening grey, the once tranquil waters now crashing on the surface of the beach angrily, lightening crackling across the sky. And before you could say ‘quidditch’, the heavens opened, rain hammering down.

A drop fell from the ceiling onto Louis’ head. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” He repeated. There was silence.

*

Later, they were all still in mourning, the rain continuing to beat down relentlessly but thankfully not getting anywhere near their heads after Harry had fixed the leak in the roof with a quick ‘ _reparo’_.

“So let me get this straight,” Louis began, the previous conversation still whirling around in his mind. “It’s monsoon season. You brought us to a tropical island, in _monsoon season._ ” He shook his head wordlessly, still trying to comprehend the inner workings of his friends’ brain.

Liam groaned from where he had his face buried in a pillow. “They said it probably wouldn’t rain,” came a muffled response.

“Probably wouldn’t rain.” Louis repeated. “Oh well I just love those kind of statistics, don’t you?”

Louis tried not to think wistfully about being back at Hogwarts, they would probably just be heading down to dinner, the great hall warm and inviting, and all the Yorkshire puddings he could eat. In this very moment, Louis had never hated anyone as much as he hated Liam. Well, that wasn’t true, he just wished Liam thought about things more. Like bringing them on holiday during monsoon season.

Being in possession of magical powers certainly had it perks when, rather than venturing out in the torrents of rain and risk being washed away forever, the boys could conjure up a fire, gorge on the what seemed like an unlimited supply of chocolate frogs (although that was probably more down to Niall occasionally flicking his wand and doubling their quantity), and playing a rowdy game of explosive snap.

After singeing and consequently repairing his eyebrows for the fourth time, Louis thought it right to inform the group that if he didn’t fall into an uninterrupted slumber within the next 5 minutes, he’d bat bogey hex them all. This caused a flurry of activity and several sleepy ‘night night’s’, and before long Louis found himself snuggled up next to Harry in their bottom bunk, wrapping his arms around the bigger boy’s waist from behind and burying his nose in Harry’s soft hair, breathing him in deeply.

“Night, darling.” Louis muttered sleepily, rubbing his thumb gently over the soft skin of Harry’s tummy.

“Night, Boo.” Harry replied with a yawn, resting his hand on top of where Louis’ was settled on his stomach with a squeeze.

Louis closed his eyes, and fell asleep hoping that tomorrow may be slightly less disastrous, and nobody would be considered edible by any other foreign objects. A boy can dream.

*

Louis was vaguely aware that he was very, very warm, and he certainly did not want to be dragged from sleep world any time soon. Except something, or rather _someone_ was tugged on the ends of his hair, and it was really bloody annoying.

“Haz,” He whined. “M’ sleeping, morning sex later yeah?” He snuggled down deeper, hoping Harry would get the hint that although he certainly wasn’t against waking up to immediate sexual relations, he’d need at least 2 hours more of sleep first.

His hair was pulled harder and he winced, raising an eyebrow. “Ooh feeling a bit rough this morning?” He mumbled, interest finally peaked enough that he may consider sacrificing his slumber. “Okay, just lemme wake up.”

He yawned widely, opening his eyes and blinking a few times as he was blinded by the bright light pouring through the window, frowning puzzled when his eyes focused and Harry was flat on his back beside him, mouth wide open as he snored.

Something pulled his hair again and he whipped his head round. “What the- aarrghhhhhhhhh!” A small slimy creature with beady little eyes and sharp claws was smirking at him evilly, and with what looked like a wink, jumped and flew into the air, directly at Louis’ face.

“Merlin’s pants!” Louis screamed, furiously batting his hands around where several of the things were flying around his head, seemingly from nowhere. He succeeded in whacking one straight across the room, which did nothing but make it whizz angrily back towards him, grabbing his hair and attempting to pull him out of bed.

“Fuck!” Louis yelled, grappling for his wand and trying to fight off several of the things as they had now gone on to trying to pull him off the bed by his ears.

“Lou, what-“

“Fucking help me!” Louis cried, wincing when he felt several pairs of claws dig into his skin, still scrabbling about for his wand and cursing himself for not leaving it somewhere within easy reach.

He saw a blur of Niall jumping down from the top bunk, Zayn armed with a heavy book and attempting to swat at the things, Liam raising his wand and attempting to stun them, red light narrowly missing Louis face.

Heck, he was seriously contemplating jumping in the way of one of Liam’s spells so he didn’t have to consciously deal with several tiny creatures attempting to attack him, they were definitely pulling out clumps of his hair, ripping some from the roots when he tried grabbing them and pulling them off, throwing them across the room.

He wrestled what he hoped was the last one out of the back of his t shirt, groaning a he felt tiny claw marks sting all the way down his back before joining Harry in lobbing them as far out of the window as possible.

“Dumbledore’s friggin’ army,” Niall panted, “What the bloody hell are Cornish pixies doing on a tropical flippin’ island?”

“I asked myself the same question, Niall,” Louis replied, bending down to pick up a limp pixie which appeared to be knocked out, and unceremoniously chucking it out of the window. “You know, when they were attempting to gauge my eyes out of my skull and you lot were fast asleep.”

“Sorry Lou,” Zayn said, still blinking blearily despite the rather dramatic awakening, pausing to pick up a motionless pixie and chuck it in the nearest bin, slamming the lid down behind it.

“I bet that nutter from yesterday keeps ‘em as pets or summat,” Louis muttered, accepting the small bottle of ointment Harry had wordlessly summoned out of his bag and rubbing some over his scratches, letting out a shaky breath when the sting started to subside.

“So that’s me done, Niall was yesterday,” He continued, “That means it’s you three’s turn next so, good luck. Honestly, holiday from bleedin’ hell, they’ll be doing a series of articles about it in ‘The Quibbler’ or summat.”

The other’s just ignored him, honestly, you’d think he’d receive at least _some_ sympathy after being nearly mauled to death, but clearly not.

They set about getting up and dressed, chattering and laughing as Niall did impressions of Louis cowering on the ground, swatting at his head, which Louis paid him back in kind by doing a probably over- dramatic rendition of ‘Niall being eaten by plant’.

They were just getting ready to head out of the door, into the thankfully no longer sopping wet outdoors, when Liam stopped them, putting a hand up with his face set in a serious line.

“Right, lads, the reason I picked this place-“

Louis interrupted him with a snort, like anyone would voluntarily pick _this place_. Liam shot him a dirty look, before continuing.

“The reason I picked this place, is because it’s pretty much solely a wizarding community, and believe me, it’s _very_ different to the likes of Hogwarts, or Hogsmeade. So just… please don’t offend anyone. Promise?”

Louis snorted again. “Offend anyone?! Me?! I am hurt, Liam. Truly hurt you think that little of me.” He placed a hand over his chest in dramatic effect, smirking when Niall let out a loud laugh.

Liam sighed in exasperation. “You know what I mean, just, be cool. Okay?”

Louis sniggered. “Cool is my middle name, Liam, didn’t you know? Onwards and upwards!” He pushed past Liam out of the door, the heat hit him like a brick wall, causing his back to prickle uncomfortably. Luckily Harry had lived up to his word, and had packed some summer clothes, although with the length of the shorts he was currently wearing, he kind of wished Harry hadn’t bothered.

The other boys followed him out of the cabin, Liam with one last sigh and Zayn with a wide yawn. They walked along the edge of the beach for a while, talking and dodging Niall who kept trying to kick sand in their faces, the others screeching with laughter when Louis got too annoyed and hoicked Niall up in the air by his ankle with a swift ‘ _Levicorpus’_.

Liam led them away from the beach and along a dusty road, each side bordered with trees, all of varying heights, practically none the normal green that surrounded the Hogwarts grounds, but extravagant blues, yellows, red’s and purples.

They crossed a small bridge, and before long they were nearing a busy street, crowds of people flocking this way and that, busying themselves peering at the wooden stalls which lined the road.

Even a muggle could tell these were not ordinary people, some were dressed in flowing wizard’s robes in any pattern of colours imaginable, some had gone for typical muggle garb like shorts and t shirts, some were barely dressed at all and seemed to be wandering around with small clouds over their heads, when one walked close to Louis he felt a cold chill as he passed, making a mental note that if there was some sort of wizard’s air conditioning spell, he was definitely learning it.

They edged through the crowds, Louis keeping his hand on Harry’s lower back, subconsciously guiding him as he always did, peering with interest at the stalls, some selling quills with the most beautiful feathers imaginable, making Louis’ regular peacock feathered one stuffed somewhere in his trunk back at Hogwarts feel rather inadequate, others were selling various foods that smelled absolutely delicious, one vendor yelling about how his ‘pies can make you feel ten times younger’, or ‘jelly owls, which fly in your stomach!’

Zayn spent a good ten minutes pouring over a stand selling hundreds of books, dedicated to any subject or type of magic imaginable. Zayn purchased one for Astronomy called ‘secrets of the night skies,’ whilst Harry purchased one on tropical plants that he could show Professor Longbottom, to which Louis wouldn’t stop miming being sick until Harry shut him up with a kiss.

Louis almost had to forcibly drag Niall away from the stall of a hunched old witch attempting to sell him what looked like shrunken monkey’s head, informing him it would ‘tell you all the unanswered questions of the future, dear boy, mark my words, all that only for 3 galleons, my boy, bargain’, knowing anything picked up from a foreign street vendor claiming to ‘know the future’ wouldn’t be anything good, and would probably possess some form of magic he’d rather have nothing to do with. Not that he was an expert in ‘seeing the future’, because it was safe to say his crystal ball gazing days were over.

Louis had opted out of Divination since he didn’t exactly get along with Professor Trelawney (understatement of the year). She’d hinted heavily that he ‘had no evidence of an inner eye’ and should probably ’not waste his time picking it for OWL’ after he’d gone on a 10 minute rant about how tea leaves sole purpose was to produce the finest liquid delicacy known to man and were definitely not to be stared at for half an hour in the hope they’ll tell him he’ll fail his potions OWL. She’d also overheard him describing her role in ‘the Harry Potter thing’ as ‘most likely a fluke, or she’d finally succumbed to hallucinations from that over-perfumed bat cave she calls a classroom’, so it was safe to say they weren’t exactly bosom pals.

They found Liam cooing over a cage of small animals, one of which was a yapping dog which Louis took to being a Crup, until it blew fire in Liam’s face and nearly took his head off. Louis stayed well clear of the woven basket he just knew would be filled with snakes, before watching a huge cage full of beautifully multi-coloured birds, which resembled parrots but were far bigger, chattering away loudly in a language none of them had any hope of understanding.

They spoke for a while with two incredibly tall and muscular dark gentlemen, whose wands were deep red and said to have been crafted from the ‘Flavel tree,’ thought to produce wands which were fiercely loyal to their carriers, but deadly to those with whom its loyalty did not lie.

The men were unlike anyone Louis had ever met before, they spoke slowly and listened intently, but all the while their lights eyes darted across the scene in front of them, what they were looking for Louis had no idea.

Their stall was fascinating to Louis, they explained they had created a special type of ink, which they used to draw patterns and pictures on people’s bodies, not dissimilar to the tattoos Louis’ had seen growing up, but the difference being the application was painless, and the pictures moved.

Both men were covered in dark lines and shapes, one with a majestic lion who stalked across his whole back, another with a tree that seemed to move as if with an invisible breeze. Louis stayed long after the others had moved further down the street, and only moved away when an excited Liam grabbed his arm, pulling him through the bustling crowd.

“Ouch, Liam, get off, I’m perfectly able to walk by myself, thanks.”

Liam just laughed, loosening his grip on Louis’ forearm and hurrying towards the end of the street. “Lou, look what they’ve got!” Liam babbled, pointing towards a wooden building which resembled more of a shack, and was the least busy shop of the whole street. Niall, Zayn and Harry were all huddled outside, Zayn smoking something which looked absolutely nothing like a normal cigarette, and although it probably wasn’t the best idea, Louis would definitely be begging for a try later.

Louis raised his eyebrows, all he could spot were a basket of battered old brooms, most likely old Firebolts and Nimbuses the owner couldn’t get rid of.

“Some shitty brooms, brilliant Liam.” Louis said, giving Liam a weird look. As much as Louis loved flying, he’d rather not get 5 foot in the air then fall arse over tit after the broom cracked in half, thanks, besides, he doubted even his left arse cheek would fit on those brooms.

“No, idiot,” Liam replied impatiently, “Hanging up, look!”

Louis glanced up towards the other side of the shack, letting out an ‘ohhhhh’ when he saw the huge white boards hovering in mid-air, hanging by invisible thread.

“Can we go surfing?!” Liam asked excitedly, honestly, he was like an annoying puppy going out for a walk for the first time, Louis almost checked for a tail.

“Definitely!” He replied, always up for a surf after his Dad had taught him when he was a kid on their family trips to the Cornish coast, well, when they used to take them of course. Louis had shown Liam the summer before sixth year when he came to stay with him, and the other boy was nearly as hooked as he was.

“Do you reckon them lot will fancy it?” Louis continued, knowing Harry would probably do anything Louis asked him too with a dopey smile, and Niall was always up for a laugh. But Zayn-

“I really do not see the appeal in attempting to float on a large expanse of water on a plastic board. I’m out.” Came Zayn’s gruff voice, eyeing the long surfboards warily.

“Oh come on Zayn, it’ll be fun, please?” Liam said, complete with pouty bottom lip.

An hour later, when they were back on the beach in front of their cabin, each armed with a board, Louis still couldn’t quite believe Zayn was doing anything that involved both physical activity, and a risk of ruining his perfectly styled quiff. It would seem no one could resist the puppy eyes of a certain Liam Payne.

Louis eyed the waters, the waves crashing on the shore fairly calm, the sea a beautiful, clear blue. The owner of the shop had assured them the boards came with both standing, and anti- wipe out charms, so Louis was looking forward to getting out there.

They paddled out fairly far, Louis keeping a wary eye on what might be lurking below the surface, seeing nothing but schools of multi-coloured fish and an array of plants most likely to feature in Longbottom’s wet dream.

He spotted a wave coming towards them and shouted out to the others, feeling the familiar surge of adrenaline as he gracefully maneuvered himself into squat position, feet solid and ready to stand as he felt the wave surge under him and carry him towards the shore.

They surfed for a while, laughing at Zayn’s pouting face as his sopping quiff fell into his eyes and at Harry, who had probably managed to get the only board whose anti- wipe out charm had worn off, and spent far more time treading water than actually surfing.

It was fun, but the waves were gentle and before long Louis found himself getting slightly bored, longing for the chance to have a proper go on some larger waves.

“Lads!” Louis yelled, Harry and Niall stopping their splash fight to look over at him, Liam pausing in his attempt to help Zayn back on his board.

“Those guys from earlier said the waves were better round that point,” He continued, gesturing to where the ocean curved past the cliff face. “Shall we head there?”

The others nodded in agreement, the unspoken rule that as their leader, they would follow Louis pretty much anywhere. This was the reason how Louis had managed to convince them to help him with a prank, or skip History of Magic when it got too mind-numbing.

They paddled towards the rocks, helping each other climb out, each of them pulling out their wands and with a swish and flick, having their boards hover next to them as they climbed over to the next beach.

Helping Harry down onto the sand, Louis glanced around at the secluded cove, which was empty save for the five of them, palm trees swaying gently in the warm breeze.

“This is nice.” Harry murmured, crowding behind Louis and wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist.

Louis hummed in agreement, leaning back against Harry’s muscular torso, closing his eyes and enjoying the heat of the sun on his face, the feel of his boy on his back.

This was all well and good until a handful of sand hit him in the face. Spitting disgustedly, Louis chased Niall up the beach screaming ‘ _Locomotor Mortis_ ’ until Niall was dragging himself across the sand by his arms, begging Louis for the counter curse. Which Louis obliged, of course. After 20 minutes.

They hit the waves again, the ocean slightly wilder, with Louis feeling the now familiar thrill he often associated with quidditch, except nothing could really beat being up in the air, with the screams of the crowd and the beat of tiny wings between his fingers.

Now, Louis tended to keep a close eye on Harry at all times, it came with the territory seeing as the latter was likely to wander off or get distracted by something pretty (which luckily for Louis, was often him), and Louis would turn around to find the familiar curly head missing, and spent ages searching for him only to find him cheering up a snivelling first year producing flowers out of the end of his wand.

He’d spotted Harry attempting to actually stand up on his board only a couple of minutes ago, but there was no sign of his flailing arms or loud laugh, and Louis couldn’t help but feel the stirrings of incoming panic that came with years of looking after younger siblings when they were trying their very best to lose you and make you fall into a shock induced coma.

Craning his neck, Louis strained his eyes around the cove, spotting Zayn lounging on the beach, probably planning some form of nap, and Liam attempting to push Niall off his board.

Heart hammering, he paddled towards the left side of the cove, squinting against the sun. He gave a sigh of relief when he spotted Harry perched on a rock, clearly visible by his vivid yellow swimming trunks (that despite mocking intensely, Louis was _really_ into), chattering away to, well, what looked like the sea. Now normally Louis wouldn’t be surprised, Harry had a habit of rabbiting away to pretty much anything that moved, the lad cooed over _plants_ for god sake, but even this was on a bit of a new level of weird, even for him.

Louis rocked on top of his board as the waves rolled gently underneath him, and as the water dipped he caught a glimpse of what looked like the top of head, although it was moving in a slightly peculiar way, and Louis thought he saw a flash of colour spark under the surface.

Louis watched with a frown, paused but ready to paddle over if needed, when he saw Harry stand, smiling before waving his wand and leaping into the water.

Louis looked around, startled, paddling over as quickly as he could and peering into the water, seeing no sign of Harry’s ridiculous yellow shorts, or the flash of colour from earlier. He had a funny feeling in his stomach, Harry wasn’t an idiot and was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but he was also very trusting, and Louis had found himself in a sticky situation or two because of him. Heh.

He was just about to shout the other boys when something underneath the surface caught his eye, and he peered in, the waves lapping against the tip of his nose.

The water was shallow here, and several large pebbles were arranged on the sea bed in an arrow shape, pointing in the direction where the ground sloped and seemed to head downwards, the water becoming darker, more ominous.

Bloody hell, Harry.

“Lads!” Louis yelled, waving until the other three started to paddle towards him, Liam and Niall waiting for Zayn to amble towards the water, looking suitably disgruntled that Louis dared to interrupt his nap time.

“Sup?” Niall asked as they neared, none of them seeming to have noticed that they were now Harry- less.

“Just saw Haz jump in, dunno where he’s gone,” Louis said, trying to sound casual even though he could feel his pulse fluttering. He’d not quite forgotten the time he’d interrupted McGonagall’s OWL Transfiguration class because Harry once didn’t turn up for Defence Against the Dark Arts in fifth year, and they’d found him wandering the library after getting lost and not having a clue where he’d left his wand. The way she’d flared her nose at Louis then, honestly, Voldemort himself surely wasn’t as scary.

“He’s probably spotted a pretty shell and dived after it,” Zayn said with a yawn, looking distinctively bored of the conversation already, Liam nodding in agreement as Niall let out a snort.

“Quite possibly,” Louis replied. “But, um, look down there, there’s an arrow on the sea bed, looks a bit weird, is all. That’s where he went.”

The other three peered over the sides of their boards, Liam kneeling so close to the surface he overbalanced and went headfirst under water, causing Niall to guwaff and Zayn to roll his eyes fondly.

Liam surfaced, spluttering, panting a breath before bobbing in the water, grabbing Louis board. “I heard something!” Liam breathed, “Like music, underwater!”

Louis frowned, he knew it was shallow but he didn’t think Liam could have whacked his head that hard. “What are you on about, Liam?”

Zayn and Niall were looking at Liam like he was one step away from a memory charm gone wrong, and Liam sighed impatiently. “Listen!” He dragged Louis off his board, who squawked indignantly, inhaling a mouthful of water and spluttering as he bobbed back to the surface.

He was just about to wrestle Liam into a revenge headlock when he stopped, holding his breath and lowering into the water.

He could hear the movement of the water, and the stillness that somehow always seemed to come with it, but there was something else, something musical… like singing but it was too faint to even tell, he just knew it was there.

Pushing himself slowly to the surface, he breathed out and looked up at Zayn. “There aren’t tropical merpeople, are there, Z?” He asked cautiously.

Zayn shrugged. “Yeah, maybe, I mean I’m sure there’s a breed of them, at least.”

Liam turned to look at Louis, wide eyed. “Wait. You don’t think…”

Louis nodded grimly. He was the unfortunate victim who had to hold the book when a certain Harry Styles tried to practice his mermish, and he was also the one with his wand at the ready to dry sopping curls when he dunked his head in the great lake, hoping to ensnare a passing merman into mostly illiterate conversation.

“Oh bloody hell.”

Liam, Zayn and Niall all turned and looked at him, the cogs slowly clicking into place.

“No.” Zayn said flatly. “Definitely not.”

“Zaynnnn,” Louis whined. “I don’t want to go down into the deepest depths of fishy hell as much as you don’t, but god knows what these merfolk are like, and they’ve got Haz.”

“You know as well as I do Harry skipped down there under his own volition,” Zayn muttered darkly.

Louis prepared his best ‘puppy with a side of please help me rescue my idiot boyfriend’ eyes, the others trying to stare him down as long as possible (like they’d ever win), until one after the other they sighed in defeat.

“Fuck sake,” Zayn muttered, pulling his wand out of his shorts and pointing it towards his own perfect head, muttering an incantation under his breath until his head appeared to be wrapped in something akin to a fish bowl, distorting his features but still giving him the appearance of a Greek God. Sometimes, life just wasn’t fair, Louis thought, as he flicked his own wand, breathing deeply when the bubble of fresh air surrounded him.

He looked down, spotting the pebble arrow and took a deep breathe, catching the eyes of the others, all sporting similar head gear, and nodded. “Wands out.”

Gripping his wand tightly, he pushed off and dived, following the path of the arrow until the light above was a speck in the distance.

*

Now, somewhat unfortunately, Louis had actually found himself in the great lake at Hogwarts, either by the sheer wickedness of his peers, or his own stupidity in never saying ‘no’ to a dare. The great lake was a gloomy, slimy place filled with a myriad of unappealing creatures, oh, and a fuck off massive squid, so.

This place, was nothing like the great lake. Following the initial plunge, they swam through the darkness, blinded for just a second, before it became so light they may as well have been at the surface. It was a strange kind of light though, it seemed as if it were moving, a flash in the corner of your eye but when you looked it was nothing.

Fish were sparse, but the algae was breath-taking, the colours unlike anything Louis had ever seen before. If it wasn’t for the whole boyfriend in possible imminent danger thing, Louis could have stayed and watched all day, and there seemed to be no risk of a Grindylow attack anywhere in sight.

As they ventured deeper, although the light did not lessen, it seemed brighter somehow, and the song was louder. Louis couldn’t understand the lyrics, but, the tone seemed, somehow inquisitive? Possibly, he wasn’t sure. He’d take it as a good sign though, at least they weren’t being mauled to death. Yet.

As they neared the sea bed, Louis could make out shapes in the distance, piles of driftwood made shacks of sorts, homes with obvious doorways, rock formations made others, some had reams of shells woven outside, small signs of homeliness reassuring Louis that yes, he was most likely right, but he didn’t feel anxious any more, really. That’s the thing about beautiful things, they seem to become less threatening, but have the worst kind of sting when you let your guard down. Just look at Zayn, face like Adonis, tongue that could sting you faster than the largest blast- ended skrewt.

The community looked deserted, although the song was louder, so they kept on along the path, makeshift houses lining either side, occasional fish swimming out from behind a plant, or through a window.

The boys were silent, the place seeming too ethereal for mindless chatter, Louis following in front with Liam at the rear, Zayn and Niall not far behind, mouths open in wonder.

They rounded a corner and Louis stopped with a start. The ground dropped into a spherical sort of shape, the top circle lined by patterns of drift wood. It was not unlike an underwater type- colosseum, and Louis was so taken aback by the marvel that he didn’t notice the curly haired boy, floating just above what looked like a rocky throne, surrounded by what could only be described as merpeople, but they were unlike any he’d ever seen in any book.

Their hair was mostly dark, long and slicked back, still against their heads despite the water, braided in what he’d guess to be a dreadlock fashion. Their faces were not green or grey, but dark, with prominent cheekbones, large oval eyes and sloping noses. Their skin, although probably more scale like than anything, seemed to shine softly under the surface, so when they moved the water rippled and gleamed.

It was their tales that stunned him more than anything. They were large, far longer than their torso’s, each merperson’s a dazzling colour, ranging from the royalist blue to the softest pink, and they were all seemingly hanging on to Harry’s every word.

Louis stared transfixed, half of him wanting to tear down there, wand out, and rescue his boy, but the other half knowing there was something about this moment that didn’t spell danger. The merpeople carried no weapons (unlike the ones at Hogwarts, Louis’d had a spear brandished at him far more times than he’d like).

The others paused behind him, half hidden in the shadow of the wooden structure.

“What’s he saying?” Louis asked, spraying bubbles at Zayn, his voice muffled but luckily decipherable thanks to the charm.

Zayn screwed up his face in concentration, he had a basic understanding of mermish, but this was mostly from books (he point bank refused to go anywhere near the lake at Hogwarts, and he wouldn’t remove the pimple hex he’d used on Niall for two weeks after the blonde had tried to push him in).

“Um, Harry’s blabbing on about…” Zayn began, “Um, the mermish community at Hogwarts. These lot are pretty fascinated, think you might have some competition there, Lou.” He grinned.

“I’ll just add ‘em to the last shall I,” Louis replied with a groan, pinching Niall’s back when he sniggered.

“So, do we go down there, or?” Liam asked, glancing around uncomfortably. Liam was not one to alleviate control from a situation, especially not into the hands of 8 foot living breathing sea creatures.

Louis shrugged, unsure. He didn’t want them to reveal themselves and frighten or anger the merpeople, but Harry could have signed adoption papers and been assigned living quarters before he’d even realise he was there to stay, so.

Louis was on the cusp of a decision, when he felt the atmosphere around them seem to buzz, crackle like an electrical current. The merpeople below had raised to their full height, no longer looking at Harry as if he were the King of the Seven Seas but rather a pariah in their mist. Their hair moved as if alive, their tales darkening with every tense beat that passed, the song, so sweet at the beginning, raising in pitch and tempo, the muttering angry.

“Oh, no.” Zayn groaned, aghast, slapping a palm over his mouth.

“What?” Louis asked quickly, withdrawing his wand and pulling himself up from where he’d been peering down. “What happened? What did he say?”

“Oh, Jesus, he said, fucking hell, I think he meant to say, ‘all merpeople are very kind’,” Zayn said, raking a hand through his hair and gripping his wand tightly. “But, um, and this is just a basic translation, what I think he actually said was ‘all merpeople must die…’”

Louis slapped a palm over his face.

“Merlin’s pants,” Niall whispered.

“He keeps saying it, why does he keep saying it,” Zayn groaned.

“Of all the fucking things to say,” Louis muttered, “Christ sake Harold.” He quickly turned, skulking next to a large wooden pillar. Harry had seemed to realise he’d said something wrong, because his smile was a ghost on his face and his eyes were wide.

The merpeople’s mutterings were louder, and they swam around Harry like sharks circling prey. They may not have any visible weapons, but Louis reckoned they were probably ten times more dangerous without.

“We need to get him out.” Louis said, his voice low and calm on the surface, but with a tremor that couldn’t be ignored after seven years of friendship.

“What do we do?” Liam asked frantically, fear evident in his wide brown eyes.

Louis was all set to go charging on in there, probable murder be damned, when Zayn grabbed his wand arm, pulling him back into the shadows with surprising strength.

“What are you doing?” Louis hissed. “I’ve got to get to Haz. I think I’d prefer my boyfriend to be alive and kicking and not a permanent resident in Davey Jones’ locker any time soon.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Zayn hissed back, grip tight on Louis’ forearm until he stopped struggling.

“A minor miracle, I’m sure. What is it?”

“Just stop being an idiot for one second- Niall! Stop whimpering- I don’t know about you but I’d rather not be buried at sea, and it’s your idiot boyfriend who dragged us into this mess, so you’re going to save his sorry arse!” Zayn’s breath came in short pants, and his eyes had a slightly wild look to them Louis’d normally associate with exam time, except this time they were transfixed on a point behind Louis shoulder.

Turning, he immediately spied the merman, probably the largest of the bunch, tail a fiery red, rising slowly towards the top of the structure, hands spread flat in front of him, eyes closed. The water surrounding him was trembling in a way Louis had never seen before, the previously tranquil waters seemed to be moving, pulling them slightly, gaining speed by the second.

“Merlin’s tightest boxer briefs, Zayn, we need to fucking get out of here, NOW!” Louis yelled, grabbing onto Liam before the latter let himself get pulled from the group by the increasing current.

Zayn raised his wand. “Right, Lou, this is going to be a bit fucking weird, but I’m going to fire you towards Harry, who you’re going to grab so he isn’t brutally murdered by the gang of nutters, and you’re going to come back, and grab hold of me. Okay?”

“Like a cannon?”

“A what?”

Louis sighed. “Nevermind. Just, come on!” He stood still, his back to Zayn, who he heard shout something muffled before he was torn from his feet, flying down towards the gang of furious merpeople, all of whom thankfully looked rather shocked at the rather small human boy torpedoing towards them wearing turtle patterned shorts.

“Lou, what-“ Harry breathed, just as Louis hauled him off the perch by his underarms, holding tight before he felt a strong pull sending them hurtling back in the other direction.

They shot back towards the boys, Harry letting loose a stream of expletives, Liam and Niall watching with their mouths wide open. It would have been comical and Louis almost snorted a laugh before he remembered the tribe of water manipulating sea creatures roaring in fury behind them.

Zayn held up an arm and Louis grabbed it, pulling Zayn, and Liam and Niall who were holding tightly to him through the water, and before Louis could even take a breath he felt a huge pressure, he was being squeezed from all sides and his ears were roaring but he felt Zayn’s hand pulling him and he was gripping Harry so hard and before he could even let out a yell he was falling and hitting soft ground with a ‘whoomph’.

Louis head was spinning and it took a beat for his eyes to focus, but when they did he realized he was sitting on the beach from earlier, feeling slightly winded, but otherwise unharmed.

In fact, it kind of felt like that had all been a terrible, terrible dream, and he was just waking up from a nice nap on the beach, and not another near death experience he could add to the growing list that was this holiday. He was rudely interrupted.

“You can apparate underwater?!” Came Niall’s excited voice. Again, Louis admired his ability to bounce back from another brush with certain death.

“Wow, you’d almost think there was a reason you failed your test four times and kept leaving your eyebrows in Honeydukes.” Zayn replied sarcastically, flopping back with a sigh. “It’s exhausting, saving all of your lives, you know.”

Niall sniggered, reaching for his bag and pulling out a packet of fizzing whizbees. Liam looked like vomit might occur at any moment, and he glared at Niall in disgust before wandering off towards the trees making retching noises.

Louis turned to Harry, who was sat next to him looking morosely into his lap.

“Haz,” Louis reached across and titled Harry’s chin up, angling his face towards him. “You okay?”

Harry jerked his chin from Louis grasp, staring down at his lap with a pout. “I can’t believe I upset them!” He whined. “I didn’t mean to!”

“I know, love,” Louis said gently.

“I meant to say all merpeople are very kind! I swear!”

“Well I think five minutes ago proved that that is in fact, completely and utterly false.” Louis replied, face falling when Harry failed to smile.

“What do I do?” he muttered instead.

“I don’t think delivering a bouquet of flowers to their underwater lair as an apology is going to work this time, Haz”

Harry had once spent a whole week learning how to charm tulips to sing on command after he’d offended Professor Sinastra with a badly executed ‘Uranus’ pun in fourth year. Louis wasn’t quite sure how he convinced her to forgive him but he thinks there might have been a poem involved, and he’d somehow managed to persuade her to replenish the 20 points from Hufflepuff she’d taken from him. Louis’d love to say he didn’t know how Harry did it, but who was he kidding, he’d been charmed by the lovable idiot for years.

Harry just shrugged, gazing solemnly out to sea, which lasted all of about five minutes until Louis hit him with a tickling charm and he cried with laughter as he writhed in the sand, begging Louis to stop, until Louis did, deciding kissing was a far more productive mood lightener.

*

Surprisingly, they managed to steer clear of any danger or brushes with painful death for the next few days, choosing to spend their time at the beach (far, far away from the sea), the town or at the brilliant wizard’s beach bar Niall had found (of course). They’d become slightly hooked on a peculiar magical brand of tequila, that after consumption caused you to emit a strong orange glow for several hours. Louis’ oompa loopa joke had fallen on deaf ears and all, honestly, he needed to find more muggle born friends. How were you supposed to reference obscure television shows when the majority of the people you spend your time with don’t even know what a TV is, and think ‘ecklecticitree’ is something ‘muggle’s made up to make their lives sound better’.

Before Louis knew it, it was Christmas Eve and they were due to leave early Christmas morning. It also happened to be his birthday, and waking up to find his dick half way down Harry’s throat was definitely a good start to the day. Plus, Harry had cast ‘ _muffliato’_ so not to disturb their grateful friends. Honestly, so thoughtful. Although who wouldn’t want to wake up to Louis’ high pitched moans of pleasure? One of life’s great unanswered questions, that.

“Happy birthday to Louuuuuuu, happy birthday to Louuuuuuu,” Niall sang loudly whilst stuffing his head into the collar of his white and green t shirt, cackling loudly instead of being _very afraid_ when Louis’ threatened him with his well-practiced silencing jinx.

“What do you want to do today, Lou?” Liam asked, seriously. “It is your day, after all.”

Louis sat in quiet contemplation for a moment. There were several things he’d like to do, most of them x rated and not exactly appropriate when you share a room with three of your friends and one of them is completely unabashed by sticking his head in your bunk with a ‘what ya doinnnnn’.

“I think,” He began thoughtfully. “I think, I’d like to just chill, spend the day with you four idiots, and have some drinks, to be quite honest.” He promptly held up his middle finger at Zayn’s sarcastic ‘awwwww’, immediately regretting his decision to be nice. It was highly unlike him.

There was also something else he’d quite like to do, however that involved somehow sneaking off alone with Harry, a feat they were usually experts at to be fair, but he anticipated some protest from the boys along with an idiotic ‘Christmas is a time for family,’ line from Niall. But he’d try and sort something later, even if it involved stunning the boys or slipping some of Zayn’s left over sleeping draft into their pumpkin juice. Shockingly, it had nothing to do with sex, intercourse, or coitus of any kind, Louis just had the beginnings of an idea of exactly what he wanted for Christmas from Harry. And it was quite cheesy and disgusting, so he’d rather the mocking could be delayed as long as possible.

A while later, after Louis’ had been viciously assaulted by Niall spraying him with streamers from the end of his wand, and he’d eaten several slices of cake (which Harry baked and had somehow snuck in his bag using an undetectable extension charm, the sneak), they left their cabin and set off through the woods. Niall had vaguely mentioned something about a ‘secret bar’ he’d been told about by two of the locals, but if Louis knew anything about magic it would be that if so desired, this bar would be impossible to find. And if Niall didn’t stop muttering something which sounded a lot like ‘blood sacrifice’, well, Louis’d rather not spend his birthday lost in a man eating forest bleeding half to death. Although it’d definitely be a good story to tell the grandchildren. If he made it that far.

He’d pulled Harry to the back of the group, and he may or may not have been whispering all of the somewhat dirty things he was planning on doing when they were back at Hogwarts into a blushing Harry’s ear, when Niall let out a triumphant yell.

“Here it is! I knew we’d find it!”

“Here what is, exactly?” Louis heard Zayn say as he pulled Harry towards the boys. “I’m not sure about you, but what I see is a rather large stone, next to a few rather large trees.”

Niall just grinned, the fondness in his eyes when looking at Zayn’s rather disgruntled expression something which Louis made a mental note to ask about. Interesting. He certainly recognized that look, probably because it was either plastered all over his own face or echoed back at him every time he looked at Harry. If this meant Louis could bring back his matchmaking skills, then right on. He’d introduced Ed and Ellie back at school and they couldn’t be happier… probably.

“It’s the rock Astar and Koolay told me to look out for! This is how we get into the bar!” Niall replied, excitement evident as he bounced around in his flip flops.

“But… it’s a rock.” Harry said with a puzzled expression. Shit, Louis’ face was doing that fond thing again. Honestly, it was proper hard to control.

“That is not just a rock, young Harold, that is the beginning to the best night of your life.”

Harry and Louis exchanged doubtful looks. They’d had some pretty life changing nights in their time, but somehow none of them seemed to involve an audience.

“So, how do we get in?” Liam asked, confused.

“You just have to say the magic words, Liam.” Niall said with a sly grin. He pulled out his wand, standing in front of the rock, which drew level with his bellybutton. Confidently, Niall pointed his wand at the rock, “ _Abditus Aper-_ no- _Adapertio!”_ He cried. The rock promptly exploded.

Now, as a quidditch player, Louis was fairly accustomed to flying. Soaring uncontrollably through the air and whacking into a tree, however, was not something he was quite used to.

Ears ringing, and vision blurry with the smoke Niall’s failed spell had concocted, Louis scrambled to his feet, letting out a groan when he felt pain blossom in his back. Fucking Niall.

Hearing a whimper a few feet from where he was gingerly getting to his feet, Louis stood with a start, rushing over to where Harry was lay grumbling on the short grass.

“You okay, Haz?” Louis asked quickly, raking his eyes over his boyfriend to assess for any major injuries.

“Fine,” Harry groaned. “Just waiting until I stop seeing stars so I can get up and murder Niall.”

Louis out a dry chuckle. Join the queue. Helping Harry to his feet (quite a task even when they hadn’t been blown twenty foot in the air), he peered around for the others, the smoke slowly starting to dissipate. He could see Liam on his hands and knees, pulling a murderous looking Zayn into sitting position. Niall knelt staring in dismay at the large chunks of rock, a large crater in the ground being all that was left of his ‘secret bar’.

Just as Louis was about to open his mouth to make a cutting remark, the ground started thundering. He originally thought it might be the aftershock from Niall’s botched attempt at magic, but the noise grew louder. He clutched Harry close, cocking an ear whilst searching in his pocket for his wand. Hang on a second, it sounded like-

Four centaurs galloped into the clearing, hooves pounding on the ground as they circled the boys, dust flying in the air until they slowed, stopping still and glaring at them. They were huge, majestic even, with long, lean torsos giving way into soft fur, long hair sleek down their muscular backs. Honestly, there was a reason Louis had dropped Care of Magical Creatures, and that was because the animals of the wizarding world were mostly terrifying and possibly deadly. Why they kept running into them on this ridiculous holiday, Louis didn’t know. If he’d wanted an animal filled vacation, he would have gone on safari. Fucking Liam. Louis eyed the centaurs with a resigned sigh. The five of them were definitely a match for the four huge beasts. Definitely.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” The largest of the four asked, body a rich chestnut. He had a six pack Liam would murder puppies for, and although his eyes were menacing, Louis couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. He may be a hybrid killing machine, but he had a _really_ strong northern accent.

“M’ really sorry,” Niall began, shrinking slightly under the centaur’s heated gaze. “We were just-“

“Blowing stuff up?” A pacing bay interrupted, swishing his tail, heavy brows making his angular face even more intimidating. “Disturbing the peace? Using your so called ‘magic’ for laughs? To frighten people?”

They advanced on the boys, who were now huddled together on the ground. Louis knew it was probably not what he should be worrying about right now, but there was a bit of sharp rock jammed right up his arse crack. And it was _really_ uncomfortable.

Which was why, when Harry got to his feet, Louis was momentarily distracted and didn't have chance to pull him back onto his stupid, perky bum and force him to swear never to endanger himself again.

Harry edged towards the centaurs, hands up, the four beasts glowering angrily, shoulders tensed and hands balled into fists as Harry approached. Louis braced himself to do something heroic. Like start blubbing. That always made people feel uncomfortable.

“Excuse me, sorry, Mr Centaurs,” Harry began, “Can I call you that?” The chestnut stomped his foot. Harry’s hands trembled. “Anyway, um… sirs, we’re very sorry for the disturbance, we meant no harm, my friend Niall there just got a spell slightly wrong.” Harry jerked his head towards Niall, who straightened and nodded enthusiastically, smile wide and bordering on creepy, as if he expected vast amounts of cheeriness would somehow deter the centaurs from their trampling mission.

The centaur’s faces remained expressionless. The forest had somehow fallen silent around them, the birds had stopped singing. All Louis could hear was his own beating heart.

Harry was a mere two feet from the centaurs now, definitely within trampling distance. Louis gulped. Harry took a deep breath before continuing, “We were actually trying to find the bar that’s somewhere out here, it’s a bit of a well kept secret I believe, but anyway, that’s it, really.”

There was a long pause, the centaurs all looked at one another.

“Well why didn’t you say something?!” The chestnut said with a beaming smile, throwing an arm around Harry’s shoulders.

Being kicked to death by a half horse, half extremely attractive man was probably not the worst way to go, Louis mused, certainly more dramatic than being smothered by a pygmy puff or on the receiving end of one of Professor Longbottom’s failed ‘plant mating rituals’ that once resulted in several students being rushed to the hospital wing with tree trunks for legs. Louis not quite sure how it happened, but an hour later they’re all pissed on firewhiskey and Niall is involved in an elaborate dance off with a four legged palomino whilst his skewbald friend plays the fiddle better than the dude from ‘The Weird Sister’s’.

Louis turned to Harry, who was nestled into his side, watching Liam clap along as Niall jigged away sleepily. “This is the weirdest birthday anyone’s ever had.” He said. “Ever.”

*

“Good trip?” Professor Longbottom asked as he helped Louis out of the fireplace, reaching to help Harry with their heavy bag when he arrived in a cloud of green smoke seconds later.

Louis met Harry’s eyes and they smiled softly, unspoken words passed between them.

“The very best.” Louis said, dipping his head in Longbottom’s direction before turning the heavy handle of the door, holding it open for Harry to pass. He wasn’t lying, really. There may have been some antics, and he’d really rather not have a brush with death for at least another year, or until Slytherin’s next quidditch match anyway, but being with his friends, and with the beautiful boy beside him, was all he ever needed, really.

They walked down the cold corridor together in a comfortable silence. Louis reached out and took Harry’s hand in his, the fresh ink on his wrist coming to life as the rope moved, entwining through the top of Harry’s anchor, lines new and dark against his pale skin. All was well.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who made it to the end of this drivel, kudos and comments much appreciated!
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr!](http://oceancolourpants.tumblr.com//)


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